hurting ad trusting

though I am hurting, I will still trust You. I will keep on believing that You love me and that You care for me, that You know what You're doing.
I will keep believing even when it's hard. help me to believe.
thank You Jesus.


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I don't know why I'm hurting..maybe because my pride was hurt.
I know I'm just not ready for a relationship..I'm sure of it. and I don't want to be a burden to my partner, I have to deal with my issues first before I meet him :)

twerp talking to his brother

i've read that we should rise in love, not fall in love. falling in love is for the weak and only immature people "fall" in love because when you fall in love, you depend on the other person you've fallen in love with. i believe we have to be independent, with or without a partner. i mean, people don't love a person because he/she completes the other. it's just immature. you expect some incomplete person to complete the incomplete you..in that case, no one will be complete. you have to be complete without the other. rise in love. be complete with just you. be complete in God. i just don't buy the drama that you need someone, a person, to be complete. that's just plain absurd. i'm not against being in a romantic relationship. i just think that the two should rise in love and grow in love, not fall :)

a fuzzy elephant

yes there's this one fuzzy elephant circling around me. haha

he's a funny fuzzy elephant and he never tires of loving people. he's always ready to give them a warm big hug and a shining smile. *yes the metals on his teeth are sparky!*

this fuzzy elephant is a weird one and when i say weird..i mean the unusual one

i'm glad God's guarding my heart.

maybe i'm just afraid that this fuzzy elephant will one day get tired of loving people or worse, get tired of loving me and will disappear in a smoke. the fuzzy elephant is doing too much and i'm scared i'll get used to this fuzzy elephant that i'll miss him when he's gone for good in my life..in a twerp's life

i think i'm pushing him away.. sort of.. or i'm just trying to see if amidst all my flaws and bratiness..he'll stay.. well he's still staying but until when? i have to keep my palm open so it won't be difficult when he has to leave.

don't try

"i just want to keep you"
"i am trying my best to keep you"

-you are the first person who told me this. really. gah! i'm not leaving, ok? and you really don't have to try your best. i don't think i'm worth your best *sigh*

i like a guy. God knows it and i've surrendered the guy to him but i still like him. my discipler told me it doesn't just disappear overnight.

*sigh*

this sucks

why does it always have to be someone who's already committed? i can't fall twice. i've had enough hurts. i just hate how i let myself be vulnerable to such acts. too stupid to fall the second time.
not guarding my heart.
good thing we'll not see each other.
i hate how i overanalyze things when it means nothing to anyone

love

people around me are either on their way to a romantic relationship or just got out of a relationship.. but either way, both are in love.

i'm in love too.. just not the romantic type of love.

i love people..but not an honest love, not a pure love, not love in its deepest sense.
i just love..i love the feeling of loving people, of having a smile painted on one's face

love

i love love

God, i want to love more. i want to love like you have loved me.
i want to love You with everything in me.
i want to want You and be overly contended with You, just You.

fishing-all-day-caught-nothing-but-Jesus-came-and-He-commanded-us-to-cast-our-nets-again-and-we-obeyed-and-so-we-got-plenty moment

i'm a busy bee this semestral break. i seize every opportunity, i get tired but who cares? i'm young! my bones don't craack, craack, i don't have arthritis and i can breathe normally. i am young :)
God has been so faithful. i got 12 cases in less than 10 days :)

friday night.
we were able to ride a jeepney without waiting in line.
we arrived at the lying in with no pregnant women in labor, no babies and no mothers, no one.. just the midwife and the sleeping director in the other room. an hour had passed and we got ourselves busy with nothing then a patient arrived, then another, and another. 3 women arrived and gave birth in the span of 3 hours! we slept for a while and was awaken by the midwife. 2 were in labor. they also gave birth. God is so cool! :) yes this is the fishing-all-day-caught-nothing-but-Jesus-came-and-He-commanded-us-to-cast-our-nets-again-and-we-obeyed-and-so-we-got-plenty moment :)

this is grace. really.
undeserved favor.
thank You, Jesus :)

anyway, Jesus sent me His love today through simple things that made me kilig. :))

had dinner with my lovely sisters and queen mother with her brother. 2 were on one side and 3 on the other. it was difficult to eat for me because that table was round and there were just two so.. i hope you get the picture.
and so i asked queen mother's brother if the bag on the chair was his and asked him if he could remove it because i'll sit there to have more space. and we i trnsferred seat.. wait here's the convo

me: __ bag mo to?
him: ha? oo
me: pwede pakitanggal? lipat nalang sana ako
him: ah sige
me: lumipat at kumakain na
r: ui dumadamoves si *my name*
me: ha?
everyone: hahah!
him: pangpick up/the moves yung pde pakitanggal bag? haha
me: ay grabe
eat eat
him:you're more beautiful when you smile
lahat tumahimik at tumawa.
kala namin sayo sinasabi ni ___
ay binasa ko lang. ayun o.. grabe ang mechanic naman kung sinabi ko
*out of nowhere tlg
haha
reply ka.. sabihin mo naman "now, there's more reason to celebrate"
super fun day!