oh yes it was bonding time
we haven't talked much haha
i need to make myself comfortable, okay?
it was an awkward situation for me.
he approached me. started a conversation and i ended up talking nonsense haha
the conversation didn't go smoothly and casually; it was rather awkward and i cut it short. i talked to my friend about my order and he was gone..?
waaah! now Lord i can't even talk to him casually like before. this sucks. what's wrong with me? TT seriously self, get a hold of yourself!
he's damn friendly!
i don't like him like before but i AVOID him. oh yes, i just realized now that i'm avoiding him. i don't want it to be deeper and i don't want another crying moment, i don't want a second heartbreak from the same person who's only "fault" is just because he's nice and gentleman, being what God designed man to be.. TT when he's there, i don't look at him in the eyes to avoid unnecessary "contact"/"moment"
i'd rather pretend i didn't see him or that i'm busy or that i just know he's there
waaah! now i'm building a wall! did he notice the wall i'm building.
i'm hiding Lord. i'm hiding from him. i don't know if i want it to be broken down or not. but right now, i'm still building it. wall just between us two.
carrots, anyone??
oh love, you are tainted by the world.
boo!
thumbs down at how the world portrays love.
it becomes shallow, self-centered, self-preserving, ego-feeding..
love becomes tainted
love is beautiful
agape.
ye shall not boast
one of the many reasons why i want to meet my GB, why i'm so excited to meet him is that i will boast him to my friends and family. i want them to see that though i am the last to have a "boyfriend" (as what the world calls), mine is the best and that it's a sure one because God planned it.
and yes, i was rebuked yesterday. love does not boast
God hit it again, bull's eye!
:)
"bring her" game
and so yesterday God used him to tell me where to go.
in my dream, he's also the one God used to bring me to my God's best.
is that his role in my life, God?
:)
ok, just once
he never crossed my mind today.. i'm saying this in a positive way :)
oh.. i think he did crossed my mind but just once and it's not really in that way. moments didn't popped out of nowhere. i just remember that i'm struggling with this with him.
thank You, God :)
no butterflies when i'm with him
ironically, i like him but when he's not around.
i was with him last week. gah! he's so friendly, really! he made sure i wasn't left out. he knows how to make a person feel welcomed. i am normal. i acted normal around him because i am normal.
he is really fun to be with. hahahaha!
i think he really likes my friend because he suddenly became stiff when she arrives.
he's really a friend to me. i act as a friend, he acts as a friend too. i know there's no spark or any romantic "thing". there's no anything, simply friendship. i don't feel anything different when i'm with him. ok so that part is ok.
but, but, but! when we're not together, it feels weird
he becomes different when she's present. i become different when we're not together.
this is so weird!!!!! what is this, Lord? :(
i realized that i still like him when i'm not with him. i was walking with my friend and i told her that there's still a little "like" in me for him.
and when i'm alone in my room, talking to God.. i realized that i still like him. i really do.
yesterday, "our moments" suddenly popped in my mind..out of nowhere! now i'm going insane.
my first heartbreak.
"trust His heart" is playing.
God, You hit the bull's eye once again!
i honestly don't know what God wants or plans.. i can't see where He's pointing me to.
i still like him. i thought i'm over him. he's probably my friend's GB and i'm hurting.
i thought it would be easy to be happy for your friend.. friendship over "like".
God, please remove this feeling.
i still like him..it hurts me because he's most probably not my GB.. because our mommy told us that my friend is probably soon to find her GB and that her GB is him.
i love my friend and i want to rejoice with her... genuine.
this thing is complicated. growing up is complicated. when i was a child, i didn't worry much about these stuffs.
Lord, i hope we could just be friends. help me not to see him in a way that i'm seeing him right now.
this morning, i had my first heartbreak. yes, heartbreak because i cried.. i cried thinking of him, about him, about me, about my friend, talking about these stuffs to God. i cried. ironically, my first teardrop was from my left eye which was supposed to be from "joy". but this morning, it was a heartbreak.